And I need to get out of here. I need to get some fresh air and some perspective. This place is bringing me down. I laugh soundlessly, sure, it's the apartment's fault.Spencer knocks on the door softly. "Sam, are you okay?"And it's not his fault, but I feel this big swell of anger burn through me. I open the door quickly."Look Spence, just stop okay?"He moves back a step, confused. "Stop what?" Stop treating me like I'm made of glass!" But... I'm just worried about you Sam." His voice is small, hurt.I sigh, "I know... but you're not helping. You keep wanting to know if I'm okay, you and Freddie and... And Carly, and it reminds me that I'm not."His face is sad, and his hand reaches out tentatively to touch my shoulder. "I... I'm sorry Sam. I... we don't know what else to do. We wanna help you. We love you."I laugh mirthlessly at the 'we'. If only he knew how much Carly had been 'loving' me. He seems to take my laugh as something else."We do Sam. We do love you. You're like my little. In the best tradition of the afterlife, I moved toward the light.I saw a dick. A big one, even limp. And another big dick. My first lesson: there are big dicks on a porn set. You can intellectualize all day, have a solid grounding in porno theory, but until you actually see the dicks it's just academic. I had seen the dicks. And it was good.Right now things were slow. Stopped, even. The two dicks and their attached hunks were at the craft services table snacking on nachos, along with some crew people and one towel-wrapped woman. The guys had no towels for modesty, which is about what I'd expect from well-hung dudes.Ms. Towel, who I found out was Sarah, was cute, blonde and nicely curved, with firm B-cup tits. She was maybe 25, actually quite wholesome looking which I supposed was a big asset. If you saw her at the market you'd never peg her as any sort of sex worker.Everyone but Alvie seemed content to relax, chat and nosh. Alvie was not content, because no one buys noshing movies,.
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