"Ryan took a moment to digest what she'd said. He shook his head."And the things people have told me about the way you talked about me... about our life together?" he asked carefully. He had to phrase it that way. There was no way he could even hint he'd heard her spiteful remarks on the tape recorder and the videos he'd made of her and Sean early on.Carrie stared at him in surprise. She'd not anticipated this. She thought for a minute."I... well... guilt, I guess," she said finally. "I didn't feel good about what I was doing at first... I think I started picking fights with you and stuff so I could just keep going. After a while, it didn't... I didn't feel so guilty anymore if I could blame you... you know?" I began to see everything a different. Every time you were short with me or didn't agree with me... whether it was real or imagined... it gave me an excuse to see one more thing in a bad light. It got to be easy to make myself the victim. I started seeing you as holding me back,. Kit and I sat in a makeshift restaurant tent shaded from the glaring sun by the damaged canvas. The windowless place was stood on a platform of transport pallets to at least keep our boots out of the mud of the filthy street outside.I noticed that not a single soul was jolted by the sound of gunfire not far from our vantage point. I resisted my ingrained instinctive reaction to “hit the dirt” and knew immediately it was the correct response because the pair of whores at the next table just continued eating their eggs and steak like they were surrounded by a platoon of armed security guards.Surprisingly, the food was exceptionally good and I think it was because the proximity to the railroad ribbon of steel made the source of the food supplies instantaneous to the consumers at the end of the food chain. I knew that in places like Southeast Asia, the battlefield at Gettysburg and now, here in the far Pacific Northwest, the secret of swift transport was the key to logistically making.
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