Everything I owned was in ‘her’ name because it was easier that way, well at least it had seemed easier at the time, but as my stomach tightened I realized it had been easier for ‘her’, not me. It was easier to keep me down that way, keep me in my place. I could either give life a chance, or I could bite the bullet yet again and deal with the snide remarks when I walked back into the house. I could sleep in our bed or I could sleep in the car, it was the only thing in both of our names and I wasn’t sure which would be colder in the middle of December. The tears started to fall as I continued on through the snow, painfully aware of the numbness in my toes as the snow melted into the holes of my boots. I could almost hear my mother telling me to stop crying before my eyes froze shut, but I wanted them to be frozen. I wanted everything to be frozen so I could stop feeling. I didn’t want to feel the pain or rejection anymore and I had nobody to turn to. ‘She’ had made sure of that over. I also thought of what was going on in the next room, where Hanna was getting ready, again wishing I could actually watch her doing that, and found myself starting to get excited by just the idea of that. But not wanting to get myself stirred up so early in the evening I pushed those thoughts away, replacing them with others that were far less disturbing. Then, having dressed, I poured myself a small drink and again went out on to the balcony, watching the changing colours in the sky as the sun sank slowly towards the horizon. I finished my drink and returned inside, and was about to turn on the TV to see what disasters had happened in the rest of the world during the day, when Hanna reappeared. Yet again she quite literally took my breath away. Although not overly heavy her make-up was quite different, more sophisticated, somehow making her already exotic features even more so. Her eyes seemed larger, sparkling more brightly, the upward tilt at the corners even more pronounced. The.
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