Nor a better wife.And I am feeling so much closer to Pilar these days. Partly because she decided to hold off on fucking Walker. Partly because she is actively seeking out Vanessa and me. Volunteered to help out at Euforia. Asked if she could join me in my self-defense classes. Yes.And Bear, my best friend. We don’t see each other as often as we used to, but we instantly reestablish our closeness every time we get together. And now that I’m helping him with Barry’s blackmail problem ... well, all the better.My job. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Boring. Scary. But I love it. Love being out on my own.So, happy days. But not gloating days. More thankful for my blessings than bragging about them. I don’t want Nemesis stalking me. And she shouldn’t. Thankfulness doesn’t draw her ire. Does it?I feel as if I have two lives. Maybe most folks do. There’s my outside life, work, social, Meyer Boulevard. Like that.Then there’s life inside the Wrigley. Vanessa of course. Walker and Pilar. Family.. Your frame against me, your perfume, I am in a trance. My mind has left my body and I see myself floating above the crowd, uniting with you we drift aimlessly, two spirits free of any constraints…until suddenly the train stops again and you extricate yourself, moving through the other bodies towards the doors and then out onto the platform. I have to scramble to follow you, run after you toward the exit. I finally catch up just as you reach the stairs. “Konbanwa” I say in my strong foreign accent. You barely look at me, try to get away, the expression on your face is of horror and fear.“Watashi no namae wa P desu” I shout as you move away hastening your step.I stand there a while, bumped by passersby as they rush past me, then I walk slowly back to the platform to catch the next train. As I ride along I am again pressed against other people but I hardly notice them, in my mind I can still feel you, I still see your black hair and smell your soft fragrance. Will Fukurokuju smile on me.
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