“What is your problem?” he hissed but kept a smile on his face as a façade.“You’re just doing what you’re doing because your mother told you. You don’t really want to be with us,” Michele quipped.“Well that was true at first; I will always do what my Mamma wants me to do, but I’ve since found the company of your friends quite delightful,” he smiled.“Sure. Whatever. You have those other three fawning over you but I’m not convinced,” Michele drew on her cigarette and Tony went back to the other table where the girls where bamboozled about how to order coffee.“Tony? What is cappuccino, and latte, and espresso? It’s all just fucking coffee to me,” Polly batted her eyelashes at him.“Mama Mia!” he smiled and raised his hands in the air comically.“Ok you English roses, let me educate you about coffee. I bet the only coffee you have drunk was powder from a tin or jar.”The banter about coffee went on for a while and Tony ordered cappuccino for all of them.“In Italy we usually only drink. .. While we waited for their decision, I wanted to cry. No one knows that but you. I had to stop myself from talking too much in there, letting them think this was too important to me for any reason. And then I had to wait and wait, wondering if I had said too little, or made it seem unimportant. And what I could do to fix it, every possible scenario. After we heard, I left for a break; I felt like not going back for the day and all I wanted to do was to call you and talk to you, or see you…” Paul again looked like he was about to cry. I was starting to understand, to find something to relate to how he had felt. “This really hurt you, didn’t it?” I asked, realizing that if he had called, he would have caught me in time. And realizing that I could never tell him what had happened, or he would blame himself.“Yes.” The look on his face told me that nothing more could be said; he was hurt, felt powerless, felt like nothing could be done. And I understood that feeling all too.
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