Not today."As we were finishing breakfast, Ronnie called Martha on the phone. Martha settled on the sofa in her bathrobe. They had been talking for about twenty minutes when I left to get to Fiore's. It was an excellent workout, and for once I was pleased with myself. But I was dead tired when I returned to Martha's. I was surprised to find she was still on the sofa, talking with Ronnie. She hadn't moved since I left for Fiore's.I set up a dish of chicken salad for Martha and myself and sat at the dining table. I ate for a minute, and when it was evident that Martha was going to stay on the telephone I carried the bowl and a paper napkin to Martha and handed it to her. She mouthed a thank-you and kept the handset to her ear while she ate.After eating, I undressed to my underwear and signaled that I was going into the bedroom for a nap. She mouthed an okay and stayed on on the phone, so I grabbed the second little Hunter fan she had in the corner and took it into the bedroom and. I closed my eyes and thought about that drop from the balcony and how calming the wind on my face would be.I pressed my fists to my forehead, like I was trying to press the thoughts out of my head.“After my parents divorced, my uncle started sneaking into my room at night,” she told me. “I was eleven. He kept it up until I was fourteen and I had a miscarriage. Then it all came out. He’s still in jail. My aunt went back to Colorado and hasn’t spoken to any of us since. My mother barely talks to me. They blame me for it. My uncle was a good man, a pillar of the community. I can see the blame in their eyes. I blame myself. Maybe it’s stupid, but I can’t stop.”Suddenly we were both crying. There were no words. We didn’t need any. We sat with our arms around each other, our guilt pouring out of us. I clung to her and I knew that she was clinging to me. This was the thing she’d been waiting for. It was what drove her to Miranda. It was what had made her suspicious of my generosity. Her.
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