”“Not as much as I love you.”“She made a man of you. Not the conquistadors, who only wanted to toughen you up, make you better at killing. Just bullies I think, who never really grew up. How could they give you what you needed, confidence, being treated as the little boy, the little officer who someday would order them about.”“Most treated me okay,” Esteban objects.“Most? Those that didn’t tease you when they could get away with it treated you like some cute little mascot. Even the leader would rather not have to keep half an eye on the kid, coddling you, when he had better things to worry about.”“They treated me better later.”“When?”“After ... Chula.”“You stood your ground with the teasing.”Esteban smiles. “They teased me about Chula, about fucking an old woman. I told them she didn’t look old or act old when we sent each other into ecstasy over and over again. Not some girl, but a woman who looked like a woman and knew how to give pleasure and get pleasure, whose body was meant for. Until then, all that's going to happen is we'll scream at each other, try to hurt each other, and make ourselves just as miserable as we possibly can. Personally, I can do without that bullshit, and I think both of you can too."The silence returned, just as heavy and suffocating as before. I desperately wanted to break through it's confining entrapment, but couldn't find the words."I can't handle this," Cassie finally broke through the pall of our stalemate. "Not now, anyway. I'm just too fucking angry, in too much goddamned pain inside. Right now, I'd love to just beat the shit out of both of you."The tears had started to run down Cassie's cheek, and almost instinctively I reached over to wipe them away with one finger. It was something I'd always done for the four years Cassie and I had been together. She slapped my hand hard, and pulled as far away from me as the chair would allow."Get your fucking hands off me, Keith Hayes! If you think I'm going to let you put a finger on me.
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