She was always tenacious, ready to take the next blow if I wanted to give it and I saw then that this wouldn’t change anything. Slapping her wouldn’t change anything, hurting her wouldn’t change a damned thing, wouldn’t change her love for him or the stubbornness in her heart, wouldn’t bring Cormac back or change the course of our lives or undo my pain and humiliation or make me into anything different— I hit her again, my throat filled with something rough and sharp and hot. It was my heart. I knew it. My fucking heart was in my throat, choking me. Tears of rage welled in my eyes and I fell to my knees in front of her and grabbed her, wrapped my arms around her and crushed her against me, pressed her face against my chest and held her, held her. She wasn’t mine anymore but I held her and let her shake with weeping, the cold wind from the broken pane blowing in upon us. God let us just stay like this, I prayed. Nothing more than this. That would be enough. If just the pain of his. Although on the other end of the train, your appearance grabs my attention. But your eyes are grabbing me as well. A strange type of magic fills the train. The train is very full, but I slowly find my way through the crowd in your direction. We loose sight of each other, but I can feel your presence stronger and stronger. You're standing with your back facing me when I get near you. I see you looking around not noticing me any more, but knowing me near.The next moment I'm right behind you. You know I'm there but you don't turn around. I look down and see your open shoes and naked legs. I follow your legs up till the border of your short summer skirt. The soft skin of your legs, the hollow at the back of your knees. I want to feel you and a change of the rail track helps me. The train shakes and now I'm standing against you. You can hardly move in this crowded train, so you keep standing there pressed against this cold steel tube, holding yourself on one of the straps above you. It is.
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