She was standing in the bus shelter on Lothian Road and it was around 23:30. There was a slight drizzle and it was darkish, when a man came into the shelter at the other end, and lit a cigarette, then turned and undid his flies and started to pee through a missing glass pane, ‘I could see everything he had, and he was big’. I stood silently, as there was no one else around, then he saw me for the first time. He had his cigarette in his mouth as he peed, and he turned his head to me, ‘Fucking hell son, I needed this, must have drank 10 pints’, and as he spoke the red tip on his cigarette glowed. ‘I’m not a boy’, I said, nervously, and then he rather stupidly asked who I was, as if being a girl was an impossibility. ‘I’m a girl’, I said f***efully, that was when he turned to me, still peeing, ‘You’re a girl’, he retorted credulously, and my heart sank at my presumed unattractiveness. I think he saw that in me in the darkness. ‘Look lassie’, he said soothingly, ‘it’s dark in here and I. ”“Just like Maria?”Helen lost half a step, then recovered.“It’s not like that at all. Maria is happy and I’m happy to have her.”“So she says. In fact, she’s the first to defend you. You’ve taken everything from her and she still defended you when Julie ... well, it was the kind of joke she’d tell to your face anyway; it wouldn’t really work now.”“Hostility has never become you, Troy. What else is wrong?”It was Troy’s turn to lose a step. He swallowed before continuing.“Susan, the other woman at the bachelor party; the one who didn’t come here with us.”Helena leaned back and looked in Troy’s eyes.“She’s important to you.”“And to Julie.”“Yeah, but she’s more important to you. Ok, I’m sorry; she’s off limits.”“Thanks. That was easier than I expected.”“For one of us, anyway. You used to get that look in your eye when you talked about me. It’s not the Julie look, but it’s still nice. I wasn’t able to accept settling for it; maybe she can.”“Helen, she’s had the kind of life you might have.
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