The next she would wear a boyish, preppy collared shirt; the one after that, perhaps a pair of fishnet tights and a Bad Religion t-shirt. Her makeup was a similar cornucopia of looks, blending perfectly with the outfits, soft and natural one day, neon and sparkling as though she'd just come from a rave the next.Elsa was a few years older than me, and she never spoke about what she had been doing in the ensuing years, after she left school and before she decided to go to university to do a history degree. She barely spoke unless called upon to do so, didn't seem to socialise with anyone outside lectures and seminars. She also had a sulky, aloof demeanour, the worst case of resting bitch face you've ever seen and, I eventually and tortuously learned, saved any flashes of warmth for special occasions and even more special occasions.Literally all of this made me desperate to fuck her.Of course, I didn't believe I would. Like everyone else, it seemed, I watched her from a distance,. I never want to see her again after what she did." My daughter just sat there and looked sad.I made a mental note to ask my uncle about my "ex" when I visited and find out what was going on with her.I guess I needed closure because deep down in my heart I still missed her. I had to ask her, "Why." Summer ended before any of us wanted it to. The kids and I knew it would be almost three months before we could see each other again. We promised to call and email each other, but it's not the same as seeing their faces across the table or the room every day.As much as I'd like to say it didn't, time just dragged. It felt like two or three years before those three month went by. My entire crew took me to the airport and started me on the trip home. They knew most of the story about my divorce and estrangement from my kids.What they didn't know was about the violence and my ties to organized crime. They just knew I wanted to get home and see my children again.I arrived back east before I was.
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