UFOs are suspected, but locals say it’s just the Kobolds returning. * Ed ‘Mucho Minnows’ Minkowski, the honorary mayor of Rio Nido, walked into Dave’s Cycle Repairs And Hog Heaven and picked up a crank assembly that Dave had just finished welding. Then he put it down again, very quickly. Dave grinned, ‘Burned yourself, didn’t ya, Mucho.’ ‘No,’ replied Hizzonner, ‘it just don’t take me very long to inspect ‘cycle work.’ * The Sasquatch pride reported in Goonieville awhile back is suspected of crossing Anderson Valley near Boonville on their way north. The dumpsters behind Boontling Liquors were overturned yesterday, and Ken ‘Kahuna’ Kirby’s prized Hawaiian Koa wood surfboard appears to have been chewed up. The Kahuna guesses that he should not have used so much hemp oil in the board’s finish. * Prostitution charges against residents of the Sacred Heartache commune in Rio Nido were dropped when the presiding judge learned that the girls were giving it away for free, not selling it. He. We only had five invaders, and they were easily and quickly disposed of. Unfortunately for them, they got carried away, literally, in body bags. They would just not listen to reason. There was no big disturbance, and none of the guests knew of the invasions. Of course, I had to tell Mrs. Herkimer of the invaders, and she was so pleased with the way we handled the situation that she added a 10% tip to the bill. This, I divided among my employees, and they were thrilled to get so much money for a relatively boring afternoon.The rest of the summer went like that, with us taking in more money than I ever thought was possible. By the end of the summer, Pitzer Security had a net profit of $123,000. Neither Nancy nor I had taken a penny out of the company, and Mom was after us to take a salary, at least, to keep from screwing up the books as far as taxes were concerned. We each took a salary of $6,000 per month for the year through September. That left some money in the bank for operating.
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