?" He couldn't say it. "Slumber parties. I didn't want to go when I found out what was going on--what was expected of me. But they gave me a really hardtime. Called me names and made fun of me. So I . . . finally had to goalong. But I don't like myself for being weak. I guess in some ways,that makes me just about as rotten a person as my mother . . . "No, Davie, no!" he defended. His jaw was clenched but there was compassion in his eyes. Compassion, pain and great love. He blamed himself for his daughter's debasement. If only he had stayed in NewYork . . . if only he hadn't run away to the solace of an islandparadise . . . But he knew all too well the futility of the 'if only"game--and it was a game. Now his task was to rescue Davie from thesordid existence her mother had exposed her to. Curse that bitch! Hewould see to it that his precious daughter was freed from her mother'sclutches if it was the last thing he did--even if it meant sellingFrench Leave and moving to another part of. Like sweeping your skirt when you sitdown. How to stand, use my hands and so on. Looking the way I did, it didnot feel quite as strange as I expected when I acted that way, and eachday I became more attuned to what it means to be a female. From how theguys looked at me, to how I handled the flirting from those same guys. Aseach day passed and I became more natural in my movements, I developedthe very strong sense that after learning all this, any chance of returnto being a boy was fading fast, and I had not yet started college!I was enrolled and started classes, just another girl among the many,which was just fine with me. Being part of the crowd conferred a bit ofanonymity, which would help if I made any outlandish and/or stupidmistakes. But, as time went on, I grew less and less concerned aboutbeing found out, and more and more began to wonder if the guys in theclass were brain dead. As far as I could see, not one guy had hit on anygirl in the class! Not that I was interested of.
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